From
time to time my Parents go out by themselves. They call it Mommy/ Daddy time.
My little sister and I call it baby sitter time. Sometimes our big sister watches
us or even worse a baby sitter. First off I’m not a baby. Jenny might still be
one, but me, I’m too old to be a baby. Mom and Dad always tells me that I can’t
be alone because I might burn down the house and I always tell them, “Look how
was I to know you couldn't put tin foil in the microwave, if you guys thought
there was a sticker on the microwave that said no metal items then you’re
mistaken!” The Microwave is but another story for later.
One
night, we had to have a baby sitter because Mom and Dad needed that special
time. Mom had to get a different baby sitter, the regular one, Miss Jackie as
she was called, was out of town. Jenny was not happy at all. She liked Miss
Jackie, because she played tea time with Jenny.
Our
sister, Elizabeth, was also going to be out of town for a school trip. It ended
up Mom got a baby sitter who just happened to be one of Elizabeth’s Goth
friends.
Six pm
at the Stein residence came and the doorbell rang. At the door my parents
greeted the baby sitter Kim. Kim was a lot like my sister, the bride of
Frankenstein, minus the white makeup. I guess Kim figured she wasn't going to a
Halloween party so she should look somewhat human. Kim was dressed in a black
long sleeve shirt with black and white strips a black dress which stopped at
her knee caps. Her socks covered her legs and she had on black work boots with
pink shoe laces of all things. Dr. Phil should do a show on her called “Disney
Princess Gone Bad.”
Anyways,
Kim played nice and Mom and Dad headed out the door and told Kim that they
would be back at 11:00pm and that Jenny and I needed to be in bed by no later than
8:45pm. Mom and Dad’s car, AKA the Bat Van, pulled away and Miss Kim sat down
on the sofa popped on the idiot box as Mom called it. The room was silent minus
the TV and then it happened. The baby sitter whipped out something Jenny and
myself hated with a passion. It was one of the worst things ever created by man,
so dark and evil, it could suck the life out of a person. It was a pink cell
phone, Jenny looked at me and said, “Look, Joey, it’s one of those Zombie phones.”
I
didn’t say a word I just looked at Miss Kim pecking away at the screen. Jenny
went up to Miss Kim while she was glued to her little screen.
“Miss
Kim, will you play tea time with me,” Jenny asked in a soft somewhat scared
voice. Miss Kim fired back saying, “Kid, can’t you see I’m doing something
here? Like what’s your problem? Go play with your brother or something.”
Just
then we hear a heavy knock on the door, more like someone is pounding on the
house. Miss Kim gets up still looking at her phone and opens the door. To my surprise
it was a Goth boy and before I could even think it Jenny says to me, “Hey, that
looks like the guy in Elizabeth’s picture by her mirror.”
“Yeah,
the one with the heart on the picture,” I said.
The
Goth dude said to Miss Kim, “What’s up?”
Miss Kim
smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips and then went back to her
phone. Miss Kim and the Goth dude sat down on the sofa, for a good hour the two
of them were on their phones not saying a word. Jenny and I played in her room
for a little while. At one point Jenny asked me, “Joey, are you going to do something
about Elizabeth’s friend? That’s not right, she’s a bad friend.”
“You’re
right Jenny, I need to do something just give me some time to figure it out,” I
said.
Kim and
the Goth dude put their phones on the coffee table and started disgustingly
sucking face. The bad part was Miss Kim was chewing gum and never took it out
of her mouth. I crawled across the floor trying not to be seen and grabbed Miss
Kim’s phone. I took a picture of the two octopuses sucking face with Miss Kim’s
phone and sent it to my sister’s phone with the message. Isn’t this the guy you like
that’s sucking face with your friend Miss Kim? By the way, don’t call this
phone, because your little brothers going to make it go by bye-bye.
I took
Miss Kim’s phone and put it in our microwave for one minute. I looked at Jenny
and said, “We need to take cover!” As we ducked behind the wall in the hallway
and waited the Goth dudes phone rang. I could tell it was my sister, because
the person on the phone was yelling and the Goth dude said, “But, Elizabeth,
I’m not with Kim; I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Just as
Miss Kim says to the Goth dude, “You’re a liar!”
Jenny
and I smelled smoke, I then counted down to Jenny, “10, 9, 8, 7, 6.” BOOMMM,
the microwave exploded.
Miss
Kim yelled, “What the F#@*!!!”
I grabbed
Jenny’s ears to cover up what Miss Kim said. Jenny looked at me, smiled and
said, “You don’t have to cover my ears. I know what “fuck” is. That’s what Mom
and Dad do in the bedroom.”
The
Goth dude yells out, “Shit, whoooow.”
As I’m
still holding on to Jenny’s ears she says, “Joey, take your hands off my ears
what your doing is not working. I heard the bad Goth guy say shit and I know
what that means too. That’s what we all do in the toilet closet.”
As were sitting on the floor in the hallway waiting for the
smoke to clear seconds after the microwave exploded the front door burst open.
Pieces of the door jam go flying and Dad runs in and yells, “Everyone out of
the house!”
We all
headed out into the yard. I could still hear my sister on the Goth dudes cell
phone yelling away. That night Jenny and I heard words from our parents that I
had never heard as they yelled at Miss Kim. That night Miss Kim and her new boyfriend
had to walk home. As for me, I was grounded for a month and had to work off the
cost of a new microwave oven. My sister, on the other hand, looked at me as
Jesus for what I had done to her X friend and X future boyfriend. He was scary
looking anyway.
