Stupid in the City

            Our family rarely makes trips to Portland. It’s a bit of a drive from what Mom says. With that said, when the opportunity popped up, I jumped at going to Portland. Dad had to pick up some stuff, from one of his suppliers. Dad and I headed out in the morning, and he informed me that he would take me around the big city. Portland wasn't really a big city, it was just the biggest town in the State of Maine.

            The two of us arrived in Portland about 9:00am, Dad informed me that we had to pick up some septic pump parts at Blowin Septic pumps before we could tour the city. It took dad about an hour at the pump store. Sales people; they love to talk. I guess when they are at home, their wives don’t let them talk a lot, so they make up for it at work. When my dad was finally done, I shook out the ants in my pants, and we headed down town to visit a number of shops. We even had lobster rolls for lunch.

            As we head down Commercial Street we started hearing a loud noise. Boom, boom, boom. It was getting louder, and coming from the street which was packed full of cars. I then heard someone singing, “Yo gonna beat that bitch with a bat, yo gonna beat that bitch with a bat.” When my dad heard the words he whipped his head around so fast I thought it was going to fall off. My dad and I figured out where the music and those bad lyrics were coming from. Down the Street came a Mercedes convertible with the top down. Behind the wheel was a white guy in a suit and tie; he looked like the banker type. I knew the words bat and beat, but I didn’t know what bitch meant.

            I looked up at my dad and asked, “What’s a bitch?”

            My dad answered my question almost like he knew I was going to ask it and said, “A bitch is a female dog.” 

            I then asked, “So why would someone want to make a song about beating a female dog, let alone listen to it?”

            “Son, he doesn’t want to beat his dog he’s just mad at his wife because she divorced him,” my dad said with a straight face.

            “Dad what’s a divorce?”

            “Forget I said it. Let’s go get some ice cream.”