Zombie Sister

                My sister Elizabeth is like every other Goth kid out there, a left over from Halloween. I have spoke of her from time to time, but I must express my struggle with her. Elizabeth is one that will not rise from the dead until 10:00am that’s the earliest she will rise. School days are another story. She walks the halls like a zombie, more like the bride of Frankenstein. You see she doesn't take off her white make up at night, she has black bed head hair, makes funny sounds like she’s constipated or something. Sounds like the bride of Frankenstein to me.

                It takes my sister one hour to get ready to go anywhere. On school days she has to wake up an hour ahead of time just to make it to school on time. Now let me explain my sister’s idea of what she calls Goth. After she puts on white make up and looks like a white Zombie, by the way I learned from my Dad that White Zombie was the name of a heavy metal band in the 80s, back to my sister, after the makeup she takes her Medusa hair do and make it strait as a 2x4. Her clothes look like they came from Goodwill and spent a week in Dads hamper. One day she came down for breakfast wearing a black T-shirt with a pink skull and cross bones, O’ and I forgot to mention she had on a long sleeve t-shirt and it was 75 outside. For pants she wore black cargo pants and lastly for shoes Doc Martin’s black boots which looked more like Dad’s construction boots painted black. Dad asked her, “Are you feeling OK?”

                “Yes, why do you ask?” Elizabeth said.

                “Just wondering, seeing that you’re wearing a long sleeve t-shirt and it’s 75 out. The weather man said it was going to be in the low 80s with no wind.”

                “So, I’ll be OK,” and she walked away.

                One morning my Dad asked me to wake up my sister because we were going on vacation. I went upstairs and pushed on her saying, “Wake up, sis!”

                Moans came from her mouth like a Zombie looking for food. “Come on, sis, get up we need to go,” as I pushed on her again.

                “Go away, shit head!”

                I went back down stairs and told Dad that she would not get up. Dad said, “Try harder, your mother and I need help in getting your sister out of bed.”

                “OK, I got it,” I said not liking what I was having to take care of. I went back upstairs to my sister’s room and with the help of my little sister, Jenny, we pulled all the sheets off of Elizabeth’s bed and she still didn't get up. Sis, just yelled, “Get out of here you little brats!”

                I looked at Jenny and said, “I have a plan.”

                Jenny said, “You better not do something that mommy and daddy won’t like.”

                “Don’t worry little sister, the only one that won’t like this plan is our sister.”

                I took a rope and tied one end around big sister’s feet and the other end of the rope around Jenny’s waist. I had Jenny stand on a chair so she could step over the banister.

                 Jenny looked at me a little scared and said, “I don’t know about this.”

                “Don’t worry, it will be OK. You’re only jumping four feet to the next level. Heck me and you do this all the time!”

                “Yeah, but this time you tied a rope to me with sis on the other end, “Jenny said. Obviously she was a little scared.

                ‘Don’t worry, just jump. Sis will be ok she’ll just land on all the pillows and blankets on the floor.”

                “OK, Joey, but you owe me one. You’re going to have to come to one of my tea parties.”

                “Ok, Ok, fine. Just jump!”

                “Alright!”

                Jenny jumped off the banister with the rope around her waist, Jenny hit the wall and was stopped in midair. Another two feet and she would have it to the floor. Jenny yelled out, “It didn't work!”

                “Hold on, I can fix this.”

                I ran down to the next level on the stairs where Jenny was and jumped up to grab on to her. I bear hugged her and held on tight. As soon as I grabbed her, the rope moved and Jenny and I fell to the floor, with Jenny landing on me with a thud she took the wind out of my lungs. At the same time we hit I heard a second thud and then.

                “Joey Stein, you little shit, I’m gonna get you!!!!”

                I got up and run like hell on fire, and looked back and saw my big sister right behind me. When I ran past dad I yelled out, “Elizabeth’s out of bed now, Dad.”